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Letter from a Helpless Fan

December 10, 2010

Yesterday I received a fan letter from my daughter.  It could not be called gushing — it was a school assignment — and the wording was careful, until the end where it became lavish. My favorite line was “Thank you for always being there for me, more or less (sic)”.

This bore investigating. So it went:

Me: “What the heck?”

She: “Well, you know how you said you’d get out of bed at six this morning and help me with my essay — like that –”

Me: “Did I ever forget to pick you up at school?”

She: “Yes, once.”

Me: “Oh dear. Really? I think I was just a little late.”

She: “It was like an hour.”

Me: “How many years ago? I can’t remember… How old were you?”

She: “Three or four. Then there was the time you locked me in a room while you made cookies.”

Me: “That was a time-out, before I decided to abandon that cruel and outdated practice.”

She: “I was locked in there for like an hour. I could see you taking the cookies out of the oven. It was horrible.”

Me: “I know, honey. That must’ve been awful. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

How about we make some cookies now!”

(code for: how about I drive you to the store,we buy ingredients and you bake cookies — SO MUCH FUN!)

She: “Yay! I’d love to!”

Me: “Thanks for the letter, honey. I like how you say you love me to Pluto and back. How far is that, anyway?”

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 10, 2010 5:11 pm

    OMG. I’m sitting in Barnes and Noble in Mishawaka and nearly snorted out loud! Now that it’s nearly 2011, does ‘making cookies’ mean jumping in the car and driving to Luisa’s?!!!

    You and I should take a walk around the mall some day and then write our individuals takes on how horrible the experience is. I need to get out of her ASAP – my anxiety is going through the roof!

  2. Jan Baiden permalink
    December 11, 2010 4:54 pm

    Don’t you just love how our children remember the most remote instances of “neglect” and poor parenting.

    But the lavish parts make up for all.

    And how far is it to Pluto and back?

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