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My Amish Farmer

May 5, 2011

Time for a reprint:

I’m on the way to meet my Amish farmer and my question is: what do I wear? My jeans are tight because it’s the holidays and like any good holiday citizen I’ve been eating my share of cookies and pie. In fact, I’m feeling a bit like Gretel being readied for the oven.  Plump. I’m thinking this won’t faze him because if you’re Amish, plump is where it’s at.

The Amish are like celebrities to me, and I’m feeling pleasantly anxious. Plus, I’m a girl who relishes a wardrobe challenge.

Gone is the impossibly handsome poultry farmer from whom I once bought more chicken and turkey than I needed, and here is the elfin Amish guy: schoolteacher by day and livestock farmer by morning, evening and in his dreams.  I wonder: is mine an ethical question or merely aesthetic? To satisfy the urge to speak to him by means of my outfit and to quell my conscience I wear a Pilgrim-looking sweater, a grey and white blouse (with a frill)  AND my Gretel jeans (tighter than what he’s probably used to), wrapped up by in big wool coat for modesty. I know what I’m doing.  I’m writing a story.

My Amish farmer fails to notice my getup because it is dusk, then dark, and we are navigating with the help of a tiny miner’s light on his head.  We are picking up icy, slippery chicken parts with bare hands, trying to weigh them on a postal scale and write down the prices in the half-dark with a pen that is running out of ink.  It’s no scene from Witness.

I drive away with all the meat piled up in the back of my car, wondering if I’ll see him again.  It was kind of romantic, driving over to the meat freezer with someone not allowed to drive, wearing a miner’s light on his head. Not to mention talking on a phone with someone who’s not supposed to use a phone, except sparingly.  I wonder what I’ll wear next time.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Jim permalink
    November 15, 2011 7:12 am

    You are a true romantic. So am I. I dream of one day fallinginlove with a southwest Michigan girl, fix up an old farmhouse and raise chickens.

  2. January 17, 2012 1:39 am

    I never saw this. Are you serious?

  3. whatsizname permalink
    January 17, 2012 5:38 am

    -and grow an apple orchard! Who wouldn’t!

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